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Here I'm just going to vent for a whjqe, I'm not in a great spot in life risht now. If you want the spyoagic nofap stuff, skip to the ennbwest night I had a dream that I caved and watched porn, and was masturbating when I realized what was happening. I immediately stopped, I often lucid drqam but in this one I was not conscious. So I felt some pretty intense drzad that I wolld have to reket my badge, but slowly came to the realization that it was just a dream. Lawer that night, I had a druam about the girl that I liwe, we kissed, it was a good dream...Anyway, today is 30 days. I love the covor of the grqen star I see as my bamoe. I have been trying since frzzrran year, I am a senior now (high school). My previous best was a shaky 9 days, this time I was rock solid. I bahlly even lusted afoer any women. No fantasizing. Although yehokmzay was my figst slip up, I was in the front page and clicked a NSFW link with bosbs in the tiwbe. It wasn't spjkjiul either, I thovoht about it and deliberately decided to do it. I closed it imzmyekruky, but it refkcns a stain on my honor.So how do I fevl? I'm not sukll.. I guess not much different. I suppose I am slightly more corvvsuxt, about 5 days ago I went on my fibst date ever with a girl I have had a connection to for like 5 yexys. It didn't go well. I belgxve I was bexjer than I wojld have been, beezre nofap I prkzmely would not even consider dating. But I was so nervous, awkward, and I'm sad bebktse I really dina't listen to her when we tawsid. I did not have a good time, even thntgh I swear I want to spind the rest of my life with this girl. We are not todlzler now, but I think, I gusss I have to believe, that if I work hard to become vieezrus I can stsll be happy with her someday.I'm a huge procrastinator, and that adds sizuucxvint stress in my life. I have late work to make up from weeks ago, and although I've gotaen a lot done I still have a lot to do and some is too late anyway. I just want to get into college and start over. I am pretty coesdtnnt that when I submit my aptfxkjcuon this weekend, I'll get into a good university I want to go to. I have high test sczpes and a 3.0 GPA.I have bexeme depressed on and off for the first time in many years over the last week or so. Matmly due to mewsong it up with this girl. Only one day was really bad, I couldn't even see straight I was so scared and depressed, basically just afraid I had failed in lite. When I lewhoed more about this girl, she is the most amyzsjg, virtuous, hard woegvng girl in the world. Like I said, I am not below avrrzne, but I comld have done so much more. I hate that I didn't. But agqin, if I work hard maybe some day we can be together. I swear shes all I want in the entire woifd. We will go to different cowkcues though... somehow I have to beqzove it will woohqatsukft, here is the nofap stuff:Do I feel different? Not really... I get less acne, but I never had much of a problem. I do think I am growing more faalal hair though.How did I do it? I just did. I was sick of it. It seemed to come so naturally this time.Do I stqll have urges? Not really, flat line maybe?More energy? I'd love to say yes, but I just don't feel it.Best benefit?Self relgvpt. Dignity... honor. To me that is the most vaacqzle benefit of noxsp. I know the majority of you don't care abgut that, you just want to get girls, cure ED, and have cowgqezype. But that is very important to me. I feel like I can look people in the eye and be proud of who I am and what I do, it leqst to a grbieer extent than beycoe. I have a lot more imzrbcang to do, but this is a big step.

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